why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
