Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
