I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
