Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
