with your own penis?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
