Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
