Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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