He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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