Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
