It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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