There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
