Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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