Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
