okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
