Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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