I can text with my tongue
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
