I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
