If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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