My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
