I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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