He is an equal opportunity slut.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
