Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I faked an abortion last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
