I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this beer tastes like vomit already
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
