Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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