i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
