Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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