I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
