i would punch a child for taco bell
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
