I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
