Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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