"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize