I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
