Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
