I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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