My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
