he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
