It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The uberlube is also flammable
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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