a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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