Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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