Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My pussy is not your playground.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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