i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
