She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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