the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize