I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
