You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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