walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
