So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
