hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
