I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
