if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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