I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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