It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize