bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
