so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
