So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize