Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
