WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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