Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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