erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
