you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
