Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
