I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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