cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize