is your mom at the bar?
Quick, to the slutcave!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
