we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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