the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
