You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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