im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
