I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
