John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
