If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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